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20.11.05

Ever feel like, its all been surreal?????

So Dh & I have had a crap, shit week,
First off he is behaving really odd.. so I ask him whats wrong and he tells me that he cant explain it, he is jealous and doesnt feel needed anymore.
I'm like WTF? you're jealous of what and he said everything. So i kinda took a little while to digest it all, spent all day Monday crying,went a brought a packet of smokes, which I havent done for 4 years.
I found out that he has always been a jealous person but it has recently come to a head, I cant figure it out. I thought I knew him better than anybody, turns out I dont. And i'm not sure what to do with this information or how he feels. I feel like I am walking on egg shells at the moment,wondering if I have upset him or if he is just in a mood.
And to be honest I'm a little pissed off, cos I dont know what he wants anymore..
I asked him last night if he wanted me to be more like a stepford wife, one that cooks and cleans and greets him at the door or what did he want??
Because once the kids go to bed, or of a weekend I am far from a Stepford wife, I am trying to make a bit of a life for myself that doesnt require me to solely rely on him 150% and i think his ego is bruised a lot.
dont get me wrong he is a fantastic husband and the worlds most incredible father but I feel like the last 12 years have been a farce...
Maybe I'm reading to much in to it maybe I'm not.. I'm just a little confused right now, and kinda feel like its all surreal and I need to step back from it to assess it and fix it.....

1 comment:

busyaussiemom said...

I'm so sorry to hear that your going through this...it must be very difficult. But I think you an awesome person for trying to be even more self-sufficient than you already are. Maybe he is looking for the reassurance that you will always need him...???

Thanks again for the blog.