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23.10.06

Secrets, Disappointment and Heartache....

Pretty much describes my week..
Secrets: Ever had a secret that at the time you thought was a good idea to keep, but later on it came back and bit you on the ass so much so that the ripple effect it has created makes you want to disappear from the world, and leaves you feeling so sick you can almost taste the vomit? I have one right now and I dont know how to fix it..it may seem so minute to someone else but to me it's massive. :(

Disappointment: I am so disappointed in someone I hold so close to my heart. I dont understand how this person can be so selfish and cause so much heartache and make someone feel so worthless..I truly am disappointed and to be honest angry..really friggen angry..
How could you do this? How could you do it to them? I want to understand and I want to try and accept it, part of it I accept but the way you went about it and the hurt you have caused is so enourmous that I dont even think you understand the gravity of it.

Heartache: For my beautiful friend who had her hopes and dreams shattered..I am so sorry and heartbroken for you. I will be wishing and praying for your angels to watch over you sweetheart..your grief is real, please dont try to push it down or hide it..work your way through it, and know that I will do everything in my power to walk beside you every step of the way.

I have had the most crappiest week, and can feel myself retreating back in to myself, which scares me..I tend to do it when my depression hits..it worries me and frightens me. Because I get to a point where I dont want to talk to anyone, and everything is so damn overwhelming that I feel like I am drowning. I want to smack myself and say that I am right where I want to be.I have been so lucky to fall pregnant again, and believe me I am grateful, it's just that everything that is going on around me is bringing me down and making me feel so helpless and so withdrawn.
Gotta go..
Talk soon.

3 comments:

*Space Cadet* said...

I love you babe! I have no idea whats going on & we never get to see each other online anymore. Tell me a good time to meet up with you here & I will. (((HUGS))) love

Lis said...

HUge (((Hugs))) babe.
You know im there for you if you need me.

Renee said...

Oh hunny... I love you. Lean on me, my shoulders can be strong when needed.