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6.4.08

Sometimes the days

are just to long and just to hard....
There are days when I really feel that as a mum I'm really not up to par..today/tonight is one of those nights...
It's 1.45am, DH is feeding Harrison while I write this...I dont know where I went wrong or what it was that I did wrong..but this child will not sleep..He goes to bed at 7.30pm and wakes screaming at 2.30am most nights..did I mention the screaming?? I realise he is teething but he is constantly given pain relief, and yes I know he is cross cutting...but the screaming?? Oh did I mention the screaming??
Harrison is everything we could have hoped for...we tried for 2 years to get our gorgeous boy, our little shining star, and nothing will ever make us feel any different, but right now I feel like I am failing him, where the freakin hell did I go wrong? why can he not put himself to sleep and stay asleep?? I never rocked him to sleep, I never held him when he fell asleep in my arms...I dont get it..His sleeping pattern was great..then he got sick and then well...it's been god damn shit ever since...I'm sick to death of the lack of sleep...if he was our only...maybe it would be a little easier but come on,..I have 2 other babes that need me too, not to mention a husband, housework, ballet runs, guitar runs, swimming..bloody hell..who hid my wonder woman outfit??
I'm fading fast..I sat at my friends house tonight after dinner with a glass of wine, defeated, crying and asking her where the hell I went wrong?? what the hell do I do?? I dont often put my hand up for help..I try to deal with things my way..on my own, but tonight I held it bloody high and told her that it was too hard, Help me..where am I going wrong?
So tomorrow I'm starting controlled crying...now I know there are people out there who dont believe in this, but I have to try..this mama and well this daddy too are sleep deprived..we are running on empty..I cant be the best mama possible if I cant stay awake..and that's saying something for the insomniac of the house..
So to my gorgeous girls I chat with every day...I'm sorry if I come across as a grumpy grouch, it's really nothing you will have done..it will just be sleep deprevation!

On another note...I have the most exciting news!! I just need to wait for a bit before I can share! So exciting!!!

The kids go back to school in a few days, I've really enjoyed the time with them these holidays..and to be honest there hasn't been any fighting amongst the troops! we had one day of them bitching at each other but that was it. Was so nice to see them interact as friends rather than enemies!!
My baby girl turned 7 in the holidays, I cant believe she is already 7..time really does seem to have flown by with her. I am so proud of the girl she is becoming though, she is kinda, compassionate, caring and such a wonderful friend. But on the down side of that, she lets people walk all over her, a trait that I am trying to turn in to a positive and make her understand that she doesnt have to pacify everyone, she needs to be different, to stand out, to stand up for herself and to know that no matter what, she is worthy, she is incredible..she is...........mine..
Wonder Boy has hit pre puberty attitude with full on force...kinda cracks me up a little..he likes to pretend he is tough and can square off with his mama..truth be told..he aint got a hope in hell! This mama too clued on to your tricks little boy!!
The rolling of the eyes and the tut tutting at me crack me up though...try a little harder with the tantrum my gorgeous boy!.

Wow sorry for the epic post girls!! None of it probably makes much sense, probably just more ramblings than anything!!
Will leave you with some piccies!
Till next time,...smooches
Tam..

3 comments:

*Southern Beall* said...

(((HUGS)))
Bless your beautiful heart hun! YOU do what is best for YOU & your family. Nothing else matters. I think you are on the right path. Good luck my sweet girl! Im always here. I love you much!

Sara said...

oh hunny hugs, you need to do what you need to do and if controlled crying is the way to go then so be it. Yes you have 3 gorgeous little angels that take up a lot of your time but you and Scott need to be running at your best too. I wish you luck and don't forget I am always a mouse click away if you need me. xoxox

Natasha said...

Tam it can be so hard when you don't have enough sleep. Take it from a person who knows. I'm sure its just a temporary phase that hasn't got anything to do with your parenting skills. I hope it all goes well with the controlled crying. Looking forward to hearing your good news :)