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29.3.09

Long time...

between posts...sorry about that!
Been missing in action for a couple of reasons, work has kept me busy, kids have kept me busy, couldnt be bothered and my mind set hasnt been so great lately and I didnt want to come on here and share to be honest..it would have come out wrong and then I would have had posting guilt lol so was best to just avoid the existence of it all together!
So what's been happening you ask, wellll the website 'Wicked Princesses" is really taking off and I love it...really really love it. we have an awesome kick ass design team again, seriously these girls are uber talented and amaze me with the work they produce. They are all so committed to helping us make WP the best kit site there is. So girls..in my eyes you really are Rockstars!!!
Diva turned 8 on Friday and boy we've had a journey getting here! The last 6 months have been really hard actually, the whole bullying thing, then the not eating thing (which we seem to have squashed on the head), we finally seem to get on track, have her sorted she starts her dance classes for the year, the 3 that she was so looking forward to and then out of the blue she comes out and says she hates one of the classes, wants to quit etc etc ...hmmm ok...spoke to the teacher, she thinks its a confidence thing which it quite possibly could be,.Diva thinks she isnt good enough and that she cant do anything right :( probe some more in to it and I find out there is some girls in this class who are making her feel uncomfortable and like they are talking about her. Now I'm all for the theory girls are bitches etc etc blah blah but for fucks sake...enoughs enough, this kid has had enough...seriously more than what has been let on to people, and Im done, Im done with watching her heart hurt, Im done with the sheer nastiness of some of these kids. I dont know how to prepare her that yes in fact most of your life now sweetheart girls really are this mean. How the hell do you prepare for that??? So she sits and and concentrates really hard on her birthday guest list, deciding and choosing who she really really wants at her party..the only guidance I give her is go with who you think is truly your friend.. lets just say there is a couple who I wouldn't have chosen.
Wanna know what makes me and her daddy the most upset? There really truly is no one other than me and her dad that really know her...people see the tantrums..yes there are a few, they see the sulking occassionally and the see her being a normal little girl, but no one has really really looked at her...really taken the time to see that she is an incredible little girl who feels like she doesnt fit in the world, that she isnt meant to be here. they would see that she has a kind heart and takes things literally to heart, so if you have a worry it becomes her worry, her greatest joy is to see other people happy. If they looked and looked hard they would see that she has dreams, dreams that a lot of 8 year olds dont have...and they arent always nice.
They would see that she has a distinct smell, kinda like a warm summers day, that she can make my heart expand to the point it truly does skip a beat. And despite what you all think, no I dont think she is perfect, in actual fact Im a mother who is happy to admit her children have faults..but my god she is so perfect for her, her soul is so suited to her, she fits me, she fits our family, so while you stand there looking at her imperfections and the fact that she is a little girl who can throw the mother of tantrums, look deeper and see the incredible amazing little girl who deserves to be loved not criticised, and if you cant take the time to do that, then please walk away.

Wonder Boy-
Well there really isnt much to report on the front there..he is so cruisy, loving being back at school, finding the work more challenging but thats a good thing, he doesnt like it to be to easy but also doesnt like it to be to hard. We have started having him tutored once a week, just to help him with maths..she has been so great with him, she seems to be able to explain it in a way that he gets, she seems to get him which I love.
We had his allergy test and he has developed more allergies to sesame and hazelnuts, so the epi pen is now a very comfortable family member in this household and my bag!! He was really down about it to start with but now just accepts it and gets on with things!.

Lil Man-
He'll be 2 in a couple of weeks :( Yeah not looking forward to that, its going to fast and I want it to slow down, there are already little things about him being a baby Im forgetting. Although there is a part of me that is looking forward to the next stage, he is starting to talk more and more and has the funniest personality..he is actually quite hmmm eccentric for want of a better word...he will be affectionate when he wants to, be talkative when he wants and is completely one hundred and fifty percent more comfortable in his own space.

Hunk-
YUP, what can I say, I adore this man, he has never once flatered in his support of me and particulary of late...Ive not been myself and things have upset me, and yet there he is right by my side.
He works far to hard for my liking but he wont be told and is a complete workaholic!
but on the flipside of that he is a great provider for our family and wants to be able to give his kids everything he can in his capacity. So Thankful for him

Me-
Blah...cant say things have been that great of late, ever feel like you've walked in on a conversation and there is that uncomfortable silence and awkward tension?? yup welcome to my life of late..Im getting over it, moving forward but fuck it was hurting for a little while there, at this point in my life I didnt think that it was meant to be this hard, apparently i live in a fantasy world, who knows...but I have learnt this in the last few weeks/months. I am a fantastic person, I may not always be what you want me to be but I am a good kind hearted person, I do not need ego boosting but I'm not an overly confident person and some days I do have down days, its my personality, its who I am and I refuse to harden up. I dont need the bitching that life throws at me anymore, I will not be anyones door mat anymore, I refuse to be used anymore, relationships require 2 people in them and that requires a happy balance of positive energy, not one person doing all the energy and the other taking it. This is who I am now, if people dont like it, I wont change it. It's about time I stood up for myself and said "you know what? you make me feel worthless" "No, I cant help you right now" Part of me is terrified that all the people I care about will walk, but then a part of me thinks well if they walk because Im honest then they arent meant to be a part of my life. I need to do this because its hurting me to much to not, its not fair on me and its not fair on Hunk let alone my kids.

So there you have it, thats whats been going on, Im probably going to have posting guilt after this and well I'll deal with it, nice to get it off my chest.
Promise it wont be so long between posts next time!
T xoxo

4 comments:

Dee said...

Hey sweets....just wanted to say "LOVE YA!"

Stacia Howard said...

Fuck yeah, you are FAB!!! The best! So glad to see you are blogging again, I missed you my sweet, sweet girl!! I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON!!! *SMOOCHIES*

Kirsty said...

I think you are pretty darn awesome too!

Tanya said...

Great post Tam. I had a feeling about what was going on from your updates on facebook. Don't worry about what other people think. Let them think what they want. You know who you are and who your kids are and that's what really matters. Stick it to the others! Hugs to you sweets :)