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12.1.10

Hmmm it's been a while...

poor old blog has been completely neglected..sorry about that if anyone still reads!
There has been so much happening here not all of it good, not all of it bad, some just average ordinary life happenings.
I guess the biggest thing that's happened is the follow up/diagnosis of our beautiful pixie... About 2 months ago she was diagnosed with Aspergers,and I really dont like labels but its something we needed so we could move forward. it's still fairly new and raw and to be honest bloody frightening but we're muddling through..I have to admit when we were told I sat there dumbfounded, and questioned the dr repeatedly, "are you sure?" in the end she just nodded politely at me, all the while Im sure she is sitting there thinking, "for gods sake woman I think with my degree I know what Im talking about!"
So once denial wore off, we went back for another appointment and went through a lot of things... it's taken me a bit to get rid of the guilt for the thought that entered my head "so Im not raising a naughty child" :( there have been lots of lightbulb moments though, lots of ahhhhhh now we understand why she does that...
I think the hardest part is getting people to understand..they look at her and see this little girl who doesnt fit the stereotype of a child under the autism/aspegers spectrum.
It's definately there though..she spends all day pushing herself to be the "perfect" child, follow the rules, do what "normal" 8 year olds do, that when she walks in the front door of home, its all stripped away and she can be herself, who she truly is..and believe me when I say this in the nicest possible way, sometimes thats not a nice person..her tantrums wear me out.. the other week I went outside and sat under the clothesline and cried because she was in a moment. :( It's bloody hard, somedays it feels too hard...and then there are days when it's great, but all the while when I talk to her Im craving her to look me in the eye for more than 2 seconds.
It's a journey I'll tell you that much! Big learning curve for all of us, big changes have had to happen but that's ok we're dealing with it. I'm just very lucky I have an incredibly supportive husband and we can lean on each other.. family has been good too, mum and my sister were amazing when we told them, immediately wanted to know what they needed to do, how to help..and my gorgeous BFF, never faltering in her support. I know that it isnt a disease, she isn't sick, she's still my little pixie, but it changes a lot and it still broke my heart, and my bestie got that, she understood that and does understand that, has spent countless hours researching on the net for me, looking for kid friendly websites to explain it...Missus..I freakin love you xox
On to the boys...my beautiful Wonder Boy turned 11 yesterday :( yep 11..how did that happen? and so quickly? I remember the day he was born as clear as anything...Mum has always told us, that no one is perfect..hate to tell you mum but he was, the minute he laid on my chest I knew I was holding perfection right there...
He is growing up to be the most compassionate, loving beautiful boy with an amazing soul. His acceptance and support of his sister recently is the most touching display of sibling love ive ever seen. When he was told about her aspergers his response was "well, she's my sister" and it was as simple as that for him, nothing was going to change... he then says to her "if you ever need me, just yell, yell my name really loudly and I'll run, as fast as I can to get to you.." yup..perfection...
And my little hurricane, good god, he is making up for the eldest two not really throwing tantrums...he has some HUM DINGERS!! huffs at me, its not fair he screams and then cries and cries,LOL. Such a funny boy though, he cracks us up constantly with his little dances and his play with his toys..His talking is getting clearer and clearer, he adores the two eldest, calling them "his guys!" Mummy where my guys? is the consistant question everyday!!
My hunk, well he is still amazing, Im still in love, he still melts me...
we celebrate our 12 year wedding anniversary in Feb and we are renewing our vows...people have asked why we are bothering..my answer is because I want to reaffirm to him that I would do over our life again in a heart beat, the good the bad the ugly, all alongside him. :)
So just a bit of an update for you all, if there are any of you left!!!
xoxox

3 comments:

Dee said...

You guys are all so beautiful together.....

Krissy Christie said...

What a gorgeous family :)

{{hugs}} for you lovely

Krissy xx

Tanya said...

Beautiful family photo Tam. So good to hear a little update! Take care xx