What if it's us???

that is the reason he is more immature? what if we did it??
I'll back up a bit, Husband and I have been discussing of late our 12 year old Wonder Boy and the joys of parenting...ok that's a lie, it's been friggen hard work of late with him and his hormones and all of a sudden he is disobeying us, being decietful and generally just not being our everyday boy!
For Christmas he got his own laptop which came with restrictions guidelines and what not, which we felt where within average boyish boundries. Good Friday comes around and we find out he is terrifying his sister on it with one of those email pictures going around the ones where the face screams at the screen? you know the ones, pretty countryside, you're intensly starting at the screen and next minute a face pops up screaming...well a week earlier he showed her one and terrified her and then I find out he showed her another one...hmmm...I was positive the discussion his father and I had the first time would have been enough to make him sit back and say nope wont do that again..apparently not :( I understand too that its a bit of sibling mucking around, god the stuff I did to my sister!!
He is playing all these games that I feel are to old for him, but then a few outsiders have said no they are ok, he wants to watch things that I'm uncomfortable with but then again others seem to think it's ok...
Now while I refuse to parent based on what every othe tom dick and harriet are doing with their kids, it has led hubby and I to question it us??? are we the ones who is wrapping him in cotton wool rather than these other parents giving their kids to much room to move? maybe it is us and the way we parent?? That then led us to the discussion that when we were kids we knew when they said No they meant No and when we were told to clean our rooms we didn't look at our parents as if they were on crack, we grumbled and moaned but we got on with the job and got it done so we could get back outside...which then brought us back to the same question...IS IT US??? are we doing the wrong thing? is he more immature than his mates because we baby him? When do you let go a little? how do you know when to trust that you've done a good enough job that he will be responsible in his decisions and come to understand that voice in his head that says, hell no Mum and Dad wont approve of this???? I'm really really struggling with this right now, he starts Secondary School next year and honestly I look at his mates and think he is so much more immature than them, but then is he? or is he just playing it up to me and his father?
Honestly this is hard,hard hard work, so rewarding but bloody hard and I often feel like I'm having an out of body experience at the minute and I'll say something and look around to see if my mum is standing behind me or did that really come out my mouth!!
As parents our job to is to love, nuture and guide our children in to becoming the best human beings they can, but who is there to guide us? what may be one persons parenting ideas is not another, so really we all just kinda flounder along hoping that we're doing an ok job? or do we just hope that someone, anyone says, Hey you can do this! you're doing ok so far and soon it will get easier???
So my question to you guys....Do you feel you're getting a handle on this parenting gig?
Ok enough of my rambling...which quite possibly made no sense at all!
I'll be back with pretties and lightness next post


Lis said...

Oh god honey I feel your pain so much, been and going through still with all 3 of my boys.
I (man and john) have done and still do parent they we think is right for our family regardless of what any other family does.
Jay is 13 (14 in Dec) and I might (ok have really) babied him a little, but then with all the medical..well you understand. He has rules and boundaries that others in his year dont, does he winge about it...hell yes, do we change our decisions..hell no
Having used this method with Josh and Dan, and with Josh now just turned 18, makes us realise that it is right for us. Josh winged and argued with us heaps, but at 18 he is alive and healthy and has a job and friends and has has good morals, so I think that means that we did ok...
Im sure that Dan and jay will work that out as well.

amanda73 said...

i really feel for you, and your thoughts are mine exactly..... i have 6 boys, the oldest 5 are between 18 and nearly 12..... and i tell ya, i still dont have a handle on parenting.... my 18 yr old is on the verge of jail..... hes as out of control as a teen can be...... asnd speaking from someone with experience with kids that DOES NOT get easier

good luck.......

Shelley said...

Tam, I know this is an older post but I've only just stumbled across your blog. I'm going through pretty much the same thing as you at the moment with my 12 year old boy. He's always been an easy boy to handle, but this year he seems to be morphing into this creature that I'm not familar with. He came close to losing his sports captain badge at school last term after he forged a note and pinched two snags from the school bbq (i know, in a few years time i'll look back and laugh.. but what the??).. when I spoke to the Principal and Deputy about it, they smirked at each other and looked at me and simply said "he's becoming a teenage boy"... God help me! And we've had our computer issues here too... except it involved naked girls (I've now wised up and put the parental controls on)... but man, have 12 year old boys always wanted to look at nude girls?? maybe they have.. good luck for the next few years - and Amanda's comment has now scared the bejeezus out of me!